"To be or not to be that's the question",: Shakespeare wrote some time ago.
Well to me 'to be" is one thing but " to know where to be" is a whole different kind of story.
I've been around some while now. Here in Shadowland. I've seen a lot going wrong,had a lot of arguments with fellow churchmembers and fellow believers and felt very sick for some time.
I did bad things myself,lied,betrayed and reconcilliate as well . To go short: I have sinned also
I can't resist writing down my thoughts on what i've learned from all these experiences.
There has been a time in my life that i consumed everything was told about God,reading the bible and how to pray. That i believed everything that was told about these things were true. I wasn't critical enough to make up my own thoughts about all these issues. What i saw too was a kind of struggle within the church between the brothers and sisters about side-issues that did not relate to our personal beliefs and bond with Christ at al. The struggle about what kind of clothes to wear on sunday, or what to do or to do not on sunday. The struggle about what kind of political party one had to vote for if you would be a true member of the chruch or to be a true christian.
Anyway all kind of struggles were going on in my church between the brothers and sisters at an age (i was young 16-17 i think) a wasn't critical and mature enough to think for myself and make my own true and honest choices in sight of my Lord.
But i realised that staying in this community was not the right thing to do.
So i left,moved to another part of the country and tried to start all over.
I never could find a church like the one i had left.
I have tried but always found the same issues,the same arguments again and again.
At last i have decided not to join any group or church again.
What i do know know is that i am part of Christs body no matter what denomination i belong to.
Because i have discovered that Christs body and love goes far beyond our artifically constructed denominations, that it goes far beyond time and space and matter, that it goes far beyond all we can imagine. Discovering that has set me free from "churchianistic ballast" so to speak.
Now i feel free to speak/pray to God in any way i like, in any way or moment i feel the need to and in every situation i move into.
I have learned to walk with God on the street, at my work, riding my bike, having a party or whatever i do. And yes i also have moments of silence. My soul calms down as
i close my eyes, leaviing shadowland and i feel my spirit soar into the highest calmness of His prescence.
Mark my words, that happens not allways but i've had a few spare moments of that kind .
Selah
